My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
