Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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