If that was your dad, he is hot
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She said her name was "party"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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