Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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