does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
