Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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