i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize