So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
