I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
