I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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