there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
did i just pee glitter
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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