i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
