After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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