so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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