i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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