no you cant smoke seaweed
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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