come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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