can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
