You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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