god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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