in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I think my fart just growled at me.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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