Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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