then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize