At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
