did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
