Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
