two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize