did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
