Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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