My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
