OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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