My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
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He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
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fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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