Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
