oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
