Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
zippers are such a cool invention
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
