you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well I just put wine in my tea
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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