did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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