Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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