They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
barbara walters just said penis...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
