Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
