So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
