i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I fill condoms, not promises.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize