Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
