He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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