Church boner. Awkwardddd
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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