His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
