Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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