you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
