I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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