i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
