The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
