Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
