Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
