Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
