Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
