The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
