The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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