ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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