Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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