Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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