Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
