you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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