Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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