I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
